Sunday Afternoon Coffee

The truth is, I like being alone and having space to stretch my arms
I hate the way my mind moves when it’s alone like it has been attention starved

I haven’t been sleeping well I keep having awful reminders of previous hate
I get scared to think your mind is not something you can ever escape

I am surrounded by men but the one I am with pays me no attention
Can I do better then this? I think I can do better then this.

I have a constant feeling that I am wasting my time
How could it be better spent? I wish something would give me a hint

Would you miss me if I was gone? Better yet
Would I miss you….

They Say..

They say you can only go as fast as the person in front of you
I say for your own good, get the hell out of my way
They say you are a product of your surrounds & you are who you hang with
I say I have no friends & am alone all the time, does not mean I am nothing
They say practice what you preach
I say practice before you attempt to teach.

The Best

I can't give up the best of my anymore
I'm convinced it no longer exists
The best of me?.....What does that even mean?
The soft part that no one See's...the vulnerable piece of me?
How did that get defined as best........best
Most painful when broken?
I hope you know you got the best of me..
I believe you stole it, took it away..
Just the same...
I wont feel this again.

Screaming

I wonder if one day I’ll be heard
I could scream so loud
And I know you won’t hear a word

What does it take to catch your thought?
Just one thought…
If you mentioned me when I am not around
Or wrote me a letter….my heart would pound

I’m losing my voice for you
I love the way are….but do you?
Do I just not have that certain something?
To consume just one though of yours

I wonder how often I am taken for granted
Do you even hear a sound?
Maybe I’m not aware…
Maybe I went about this all wrong
Maybe you don’t really care
I should stop screaming my song
No matter how loud I get…it’s just so faint to you
If I died, what would you regret?
Or would thoughts of me finally consume you?

Self Explanatory

I’m not one to do it for myself
I’m much more positive about success if it is for someone else
My brain has become violent
Fighting with my skull to make the outside silent

No one likes me
My attitude is far too loud
Nobody like me
My heels are far too proud

I do not possess the ability to attain or maintain friends
Only beneficial business associates
I seem to lack the talent to acquire things of meaning
I’m a professional at being able to disassociate

No one likes me
How can I point blame?
I wouldn’t like me if I met me
Who else can I really blame?

Less Ness

I’m scared to lose the careless ness
I’m scared to gain control
I feel like our lives are such a mess
I’m not strong enough to let go

I’m reckless and claim ignorance
I’m on the edge of safe
Or believe that I am
Should I wrap my life in plastic?
Where did I find directions to this place?

If I keep moving I won’t be caught up
If I keep talking maybe you will shut up
I want to be uninhibited
I want to embrace the feeling of being totally fucked up

If I cry my tears will stream down and never stop
They become soft spots on my skin
I’ll never let you see these drops
I’m sorry I can’t let you in

Offended

I am offended by you
the way you seem to talk right through
concerns and conversations
left with broken hearts and manipulation
I'm amazed that some people are patient
with their reactions toward your noise
I am offended by you
the unwanted opinion you so confidently spew
when your opinion matters I will tell you
You make the noise you do
for fear that someone may talk louder then you
I am disgusted by you
the offense I took, It took a shit on you
the way you swear the crowd is watching you
I am offended by you.

FLOORED

Something I can not wrap my mind around is how people can say they love someone and then want to cause them pain. All of my ex-Boyfriends or even Ex-friends I do not wish pain or suffering upon them. I have had offers from my guy friends who "beat up" my ex-boyfriends or smash in their cars or whatever I don't even hesitate in saying no. If I loved, cared, even just simply liked someone why would I want them to hurt? I have had ex's who have gone completely out of their way after our relationship had ended to hurt me, I still can't find it in myself to do it back to them. I don't know how anyone could wish pain upon someone they love, or even once loved. Its a trait I hope to never acquire.

5:15

Everyday in some haunting way
My eyes meet the clock at 5:15

The time I realized, time well spent
It is now time, it’s time I went

They say when they clock reads your birthday
You can make a wish
I wish to never see this time again

Everyday in some malicious way
The world reminds me of the time I’ve wasted

The time I realized, time to move on
5:15, it’s like a repeating song

Everyday is some fucked up way
My eyes meet the clock at 5:15

I did it, I quit it and
My dashboard will no longer get the best of me

Just Being Honest

I binge and purge thoughts of you
And the evil things you do
I let the sickness stew until I puke
I’m just being honest

When you’re gone I finger the peanut butter
And leave all the lights on
You think you know me better….ha
Just being honest…

I never wash the coffee maker
And I kick all the crumbs under the stove
If you knew, there would not be laughter
But I’m rolling on the floor…..I’m just being honest

You said you’d love me no matter what
I bet if you knew you’d be a liar
They say honesty’s the best bet
I bet their wrong

Just being honest

SHIT out of LOVE

The way the light hits your face
Such a sad reminder our try ended in disgrace
Hard to believe we aren’t right for each other

I remember how you felt when I let you in
The time we laughed on the beach in the rain
The face you make when you’re really listening

We kept trying knowing it wasn’t right
You said you were in love with me
Didn’t your mother tell you Love is a fight?

Remember when we watched the fire?
From the top of the hill on sunset
When it got too close we ran
Unconscious foreshadowing of our desire

I wish we were right for each other
Sick contradiction of life
I’m not sure why I bother

Mrs. Ehres

An old woman once told me
Don’t let work get in the way of you life
At any other time that would have rolled off my back
But not today, not this mood, her words pierced my heart like a knife

Just like the songs you’ve heard a million times
A heartfelt harmony, a well written melody
But when heard at the right time can change your mind

So old and so genuine
Life is brittle but her heart is strong
Her mind is set as clarity begins
Suddenly I see …my youth has led me wrong

Closet

I’m sitting in our closet
In the corner way in the back
Wondering what my life is worth
And what my being lacks

This is the only room in the apartment that I feel is mine
Your clothes are always in here
But In here I feel that I control time

This closet is my confessional
To release all the thoughts in my head
To remember I’m a professional
Even with my passion dead

I look at the material things that line these walls
None of which a necessity
That’s not why I am in here at all

I’m sitting in our closet
In the corner way in the back
For what its worth, for what I lack
I’d like to melt into the floor

You knock and slide a note under the door
I don’t respond
It simple says “I love you”
You’re still not coming in….