Mental Vomit

Saturday morning and my mind is anything but at ease from the thoughts that have seeped into my brain while i sleep. Have i been doing what i was put here to do on earth? Am i happy conitnueing to fight a fight that i really have no passion to achieve the ending goal? Is it the people i love to be close to, the people who have the same disorder i do, searching mercifully to fill a void that is almost unattainable to fill. I think I lost my smile in the void that has now consumed so much of my thought process. I want to do so much but what is it i want to do? Where is my passion? I was left my amibition, motivation and drive but where i am driving to? Along this path i have seen and felt things i could never forget and each new experience is another eye opener to where i do and dont want to be in life. No one can really help you make any decision well i guess not in my life. No matter what anyone says even it if makes complete sense its not even a dent in my mind set even if my my mind isnt really set on anything in particular. So many people in the world are trying to fight eachother to get ahead ,the rat race they call it, is there a place where this doesnt exist? I see as time goes on and my eyes continue to open my drive and my wants are changing no longer do i want the name brand bags or clothes just for the status bump of carring such an expensive accesory to hang off of my bones. I think i found my smile in someone elses eyes when i see myself in the reflection of his iris i feel perfect, beautiful and lose my sense of insanity of what direction my life has come to. Im listening to softer music no need to aggrivate the rage that already subsides in my belly.