Crashing Machines

Two machines crash and burn with me inside
In this situation there is nowhere to hide
Metal crushing around my limbs
Glass breaking and slicing my skin
The smell of copper and gasoline
I don’t know how to get out…..much less leave

Tires slipping on the wet asphalt
Like an ice skating ballerina
Get ready for the fight of “whose fault?”
In this mess can we actually find a winner?

There is no avoiding this
You’ve broken my machine
How do you expect me to move around?
This thought makes me sick

Flashing lights wake me from this daze
Is this real? I’m stuck in a numb haze
Don’t ask me questions
It’s not sunken in yet, I haven’t gotten the memory set
Can I blame the road? The path I was on was not for me.
I am a victim of this out of control machine

Thoughts like Daggers

My thoughts will kill me
These thoughts they play with me
My chest gets tense
My feelings are on the fence
I am positive I am losing it

My thoughts are trying to take me away
I’d like to get lost but not this way
You can take my mind but don’t forget my body
If I’m going to be lost, can I at least be a whole somebody?

Like daggers in my chest
I’m thinking of how bad things could get
I could think myself into a frenzy
I could think myself to death
Will it ever stop or is this as normal as it gets?

This organ in my head will be the end of me
I’m convinced it’s getting the best of me
It tells the rest of my organs to make me sick
I’m sick of being sick
My mind is telling me to get rid of me…

My thoughts are trying to kill me
They tell me all the things you are doing without me…
How can myself, be so mean to me?
Is my mind just messing with me?

Thoughts like dogs….
Chompin’ at the bit…
Looking for anything bad to swallow it…
My thoughts are making me sick

Watched

I can feel your eyes
Hear the thoughts in your head
Don’t put your judgment on me

Don’t watch me; don’t look at me like that
Amplifying the amplified
I’m not here for you to look at
Spying and feeling spied
I can’t take it

You are making this so much worse
With your eager eyes
You are making this a permanent curse
Do you want me to die?

Feeling your presence makes me sick
You force me to hide this
I know you don’t understand what makes me tick
I know you think I am a mess

Don’t watch me do this, Don’t look at me
Amplifying the amplified
The Volume of this is making me bleed
Spying and feelings spied
How do you expect me to survive?

Ashes

the freeway lights are on

like burning ashes from a long drag on the last cigarette i bet my life on

stuck in line waiting to be stuck in line hoping one day I'll get my turn

don't cut me off I'll cut you out this path was only meant for me

working hard to work harder maybe i need a new job

life keeps getting louder and i can't find me ear plugs

buy me a plane ticket to hell and if i never get there I'll tell everyone it felt......

exactly how it feels to be stuck in line with burning ashes at my sides

i feel like puking and I'll bet my lungs this isn't the last time

Devastate me

Take me out of my environment
Try to change my mind
Ignoring all acknowledgment
That maybe I am just fine

Devastate me
If you are going to change my world
By all means… devastate me

If you are going to crash this car
Let’s do this right
I don’t want to be riddled with scares
I want to go down with all of our might

Devastate me
If you plan on changing my mind
Crack my skull and let me bleed
Devastate me …but do it right

Don’t leave any questions
Don’t give me reasons why
Tell me what’s wrong
Leave me without a glimmer of light

Don’t take me on if you can’t let me down
I didn’t give my all for nothing
Devastate me, give me that shameful crown
You owe me this much…Devastate me

Stadium Love

Like an arena filled with people
And every speaker in the place
Is blasting the sound of our beating hearts
And your hands are holding my face

It started out as a slight buzz
Growing fast to the point of a storm
No one knows why this happens it just does
How can three simple words make me feel so warm?

You can’t remember what life was like before this
You would do anything to keep the sound from stopping
Thoughts fly away with the wind that surrounds us
Every part of this is addicting

Didn’t know it could be this way
Didn’t know I could be a part of this
This isn’t Coffee shop infatuation
This is Stadium big

Block Tears

I’ve never experienced someone’s clavicle
As I did the night you held my face there while I cried
It felt good like I had overcome a taunting obstacle
Letting out everything I had inside

As the wind blows and chill run up my spine
Your warmth quickly takes over and the cold subsides
Don’t take this away from me…

Your finger tips on the back of my head
Was an overwhelming sense of security
I let you squeeze me tight not run away instead
Lost all grip on my animosity

As the wind blows and chill run up my spine
Your warmth quickly takes over and the cold subsides
Don’t take this away from me…

This was what I am doing this for
Made it all worth my time, whatever that means
I have never enjoyed crying more
Amazing to be sensitive and let go of the machine

Losing you...

Close your eyes
I don’t want you to see me
No makeup, no bra
No glitter, Just flaws

You won’t like me after this
So scared to show my skin
Preparing for the last kiss
Regretting, letting you in

You’ll be disappointed
I’ll be lost
You’ll be relieved
I’ll pay the cost

Just look away
I can’t bare you see me like this
I want you to stay
I’m so afraid we won’t make it through this

Call

I know exactly where I am but I am completely lost
I can’t even remember why I am here
Or how I got to this place…

My head goes from confusion to complete clarity, then back
I can’t even justify how I let myself get so far
This is so wrong, I’m so red
And I believe I’m falling apart…

I’ve been laughing a lot louder lately
While trying not to let the joke get out
No excuses this times let’s let this be found…

Inflated and degraded how did I get so lost?
I don’t know where I used to be
Passionate wakes up to pissed off
What am I doing, this isn’t me…

AMR

This feeling has gotten comfortable
as much as I am trying to resist
it's killing me
maybe its for the best
as much as I thrive off of this
I just cant survive like this
it's killing me
draining me
ready to call it quits
my heart can't beat this fast forever
and I'm already short of breath
my hands are shaking
I've had more then enough
put my body to rest
I'm doing my best
it's killing me
I'm trembling. shaking
cant hold these bones still
my skin is rumbling
mumbling and crawling
help me, I swear I'm alive
It's killing me and I dont want to die

ALl

come back to me
its hard to for me to see
how could you not miss me?

I find myself chasing ambulances
show me death or a sign of life
my heart is contenplating advances
on this gloomy night

driving along the ridge
hoping to find you there
this is the first time i didn't burn this bridge
and it's giving my thoughts a good scare

come back to me
I know its hard to be
anything that comes easy about me

hoping for a car crash
a last chance at life
don't pull the plug just yet
I wont give up this fight
I'm looking for you

hoping its you at the door
I do a double take at all the white cars
I'm not ready to give up on something so pure

Come back to me
Its hard for me to see
how you could be so cold to me.

May I June?

Being ignored in a crowded room is a humbling feeling.
After a rough day weeding through limbs that have grown on my life
Counting the popcorn on my ceiling
My heart has gone on a hunger strike.

Surrounded by words too weak to stand on
Hearts not worth the break
Trying to figure out what went wrong

Not lost but numb at all costs
My body is trying to kill itself
Not drunk but sauced
Feeling my feelings melt

Surrounded by empty words
Empty friends and a forgotten verse
My body is getting lighter and my skin is getting whiter
Choking and suffering in this lonely curse.

So many bodies and so little blood
I don’t want to waste my time on you
Forgotten art of love
Too bad I have nothing else to do

Take Down

Dark bring me clarity
A sense of comfort in disguise
A spark for some charity
This blanket I despise

Peer through windows
Double check doors
Lost the strength
To let go anymore

Fear of Awkward
Can’t see me perspire
Just takes one noise
For me to inspire

Feel you watching me
Pretending your not there
Force myself to come to peace
With the intrusive fear

Tell myself I’m not scared
Quickly try to prepare

Light is too dim to
Hold back this dark

My Problems

I don’t know how I’ve become such a problem
I hate what I see
Nothing seems to be conducive about anything to do with me

A strong building with a cracked foundation
Trying desperately to fill myself in
Welcoming only wrecking balls in

Face is bruised
From the broken promises I’ve spewed

I don’t know how I’ve built such a problem
I hate what I see
Nothing is easy about me

Holy house in the middle of a land fill
Trying desperately to stay pure
Preaching to the garbage
Convincing myself I’m sure

Skin is scarred
From the bridges I’ve burned

I don’t know how I’ve grown such a problem
I hate what I see
Thriving to be unstable…You’ll see

Sunday Afternoon Coffee

The truth is, I like being alone and having space to stretch my arms
I hate the way my mind moves when it’s alone like it has been attention starved

I haven’t been sleeping well I keep having awful reminders of previous hate
I get scared to think your mind is not something you can ever escape

I am surrounded by men but the one I am with pays me no attention
Can I do better then this? I think I can do better then this.

I have a constant feeling that I am wasting my time
How could it be better spent? I wish something would give me a hint

Would you miss me if I was gone? Better yet
Would I miss you….

They Say..

They say you can only go as fast as the person in front of you
I say for your own good, get the hell out of my way
They say you are a product of your surrounds & you are who you hang with
I say I have no friends & am alone all the time, does not mean I am nothing
They say practice what you preach
I say practice before you attempt to teach.

The Best

I can't give up the best of my anymore
I'm convinced it no longer exists
The best of me?.....What does that even mean?
The soft part that no one See's...the vulnerable piece of me?
How did that get defined as best........best
Most painful when broken?
I hope you know you got the best of me..
I believe you stole it, took it away..
Just the same...
I wont feel this again.

Screaming

I wonder if one day I’ll be heard
I could scream so loud
And I know you won’t hear a word

What does it take to catch your thought?
Just one thought…
If you mentioned me when I am not around
Or wrote me a letter….my heart would pound

I’m losing my voice for you
I love the way are….but do you?
Do I just not have that certain something?
To consume just one though of yours

I wonder how often I am taken for granted
Do you even hear a sound?
Maybe I’m not aware…
Maybe I went about this all wrong
Maybe you don’t really care
I should stop screaming my song
No matter how loud I get…it’s just so faint to you
If I died, what would you regret?
Or would thoughts of me finally consume you?

Self Explanatory

I’m not one to do it for myself
I’m much more positive about success if it is for someone else
My brain has become violent
Fighting with my skull to make the outside silent

No one likes me
My attitude is far too loud
Nobody like me
My heels are far too proud

I do not possess the ability to attain or maintain friends
Only beneficial business associates
I seem to lack the talent to acquire things of meaning
I’m a professional at being able to disassociate

No one likes me
How can I point blame?
I wouldn’t like me if I met me
Who else can I really blame?

Less Ness

I’m scared to lose the careless ness
I’m scared to gain control
I feel like our lives are such a mess
I’m not strong enough to let go

I’m reckless and claim ignorance
I’m on the edge of safe
Or believe that I am
Should I wrap my life in plastic?
Where did I find directions to this place?

If I keep moving I won’t be caught up
If I keep talking maybe you will shut up
I want to be uninhibited
I want to embrace the feeling of being totally fucked up

If I cry my tears will stream down and never stop
They become soft spots on my skin
I’ll never let you see these drops
I’m sorry I can’t let you in